Allow Kids to be Comfortable with Who They Are

Cathy Ann: 0:00

Sometimes you have to look at what's going on with them as opposed to what I want to give them that day in a practice

Luke: 0:14

Welcome to the fourth episode of The "I" in Win I'm your host, Luke Mertens. Today I'm talking with Cathyann Smith hall of fame, softball coach, and English teacher at Conant high school in Hoffman Estates, IL a 26 year veteran of education, she discusses the life skills she imparts on her students, the unique challenges to coaching young female athletes and how the difficulty of balancing family life, with her coaching responsibilities led her to her newest. And athletic leadership club. that's a chapter of the Illinois human performance project. As you'll see from this interview, Cathy is articulate, compassionate, driven, and someone who is making a lasting impression and so many students and athletes. Enjoy! Cathy Ann thanks for coming on. And I want to start with something really simple. Well, maybe not so simple, like you, all of our guests use their classroom or their sports as platforms to make better people to teach life lessons. The goal is let's enable kids to go on and be winners in life. So let's start with your English classroom. What are the life skills you strive to teach in emulate to your student?

Cathy Ann: 1:24

Wow. Nothing like hitting me right off the bat there, Luke. First I'd like to say, uh, of course I appreciate being asked, uh, to being on the show, um, in my English classes the main thing we talk about is how to be lifelong learners of. The world itself and what we can do to be a part of that and an intellectual capacity as people that know how to speak well, how to write well and how to interpret the world around them

Luke: 1:57

Now let's transition to your hall of fame, softball career, all these young ladies that you've had through the years. What about those life skills that you want to impart upon your young athletes?

Cathy Ann: 2:11

Well, there's been a lot of learning outside of the chalk lines, as I say, um, you know, softball field has all kinds of things that happen on it. Skills, ground balls, things like that. Uh, learning how to be the best hitters, but yet many times. We learned, not just within the game situation and how to be better losers and humble winners, but what it was that took us to get to that point. And it all came down to chemistry, honestly, that the success that I had, um, and, and part of my induction into hall of fame, I always give back to the kids because I couldn't have received that status without. Their buy-in to the philosophy that we have to be on the same page. As far as what we want to accomplish together. And it wasn't always about the, the conference record or things like that. It was more so how can we learn to have a goal and how are we going to approach it? And, you know, you got 12 to 14 girls on a varsity roster. And there's 12 to 14 different reactions that are approaches to handling stress handling setbacks. So I, I really think that a lot of it came down to what we learned about each other. You know, like I say, outside those chalk lines.

Luke: 3:39

And what about the fact that you're dealing these young female athletes. And I have a daughter who is a female athlete and there's different perspectives to look at. And I'm curious as to what is the skill set unique to these female athletes that you pride yourself on instilling?

Cathy Ann: 3:57

I think that's a great question, Luke. It's you don't want to, uh, start off by saying, well, girls are different than boys, but, girls are different than boys and I've coached both. I coached my son and I loved all of the girls that I coached, but they're unique in the fact that they are. Pleasers, they want to please. And many times, especially in the sport of softball, uh young ladies have had their dads as their coaches over the years growing up and now they're faced with, you know, in my situation, a female coach in which I understand the bad days, the physical issues that girls can acquire, the difficulty with putting away the argument with the best friend or the frustration with whatever happened during the day where guys, they can close the box, throw it away and go play baseball, or go play football girls, hang on to things longer. They analyze it. They come, you know, they, they, they try and. Compartmentalize it, but eventually it just becomes one big ball of stress. Um so I think that the way I've I've learned through just again, being a teacher of my craft is that sometimes you have to look at what's going on with them as opposed to what I want to give them that day in a practice. And when you give that to your girl athletes, they're going to respond and go through walls for you because you're actually looking at them as an athlete and a person, not just the kid that you need to play this position or throw that ball. Now you're taking it to that next step that gives them. The willingness to say, okay, he or she cares about me as a whole person, because sometimes I need that as opposed to another rep of ground balls or fly balls in the practice.

Luke: 6:08

Well, I'm glad you confirmed my belief that girls do hold onto it longer. Learn that the hard way personally, in the classroom. And now it's even more painful lessons with my daughter. Who's a teenager and it's something I'm striving to improve about myself. And my wife is trying to fix those flaws in me as well. Now let's transition to your newest endeavor, Cougar climb. It's an athletic leadership club let's start with the acronym of climb. And what does that stand for?

Cathy Ann: 6:38

yes, we actually started in 2018 here. And it was my transition into when I stepped down from, uh, coaching in order to spend more time watching my own son play. I knew I needed to be with these athletes somehow some way, cause that that's my passion and. We talked about a leadership club because there's so many athletes out there that have a lot to say and do and want to make their own programs better. And the culture at our school better, we just needed a place for them to do it. So we are a part of what's called uh, the Illinois human performance project, which was founded as life of an athlete by John Underwood originally, um, he still does a lot of work for that organization, and we are lucky enough to be a chapter of them. I took a group of kids to Illinois Wesleyan in 2018 And we learned leadership. We learned about science modules and they came up with. And what that climb stands for is community leadership, integrity, uh, membership, and the B is for belong. So, what does all that mean? That means that they created this acronym, that we are going to climb to a level of creating a culture within our school. That everybody wants to be a part of, um, being at the top, not athletically necessarily, but being where we believe that our integrity is. Is important and what matters. Their overall creed if I just can give you that, um, they wrote it. We pledged to come together and work to inspire others, to have integrity, teach the importance of a healthy body and mind and believe in the Cougar climb mentality of creating a welcoming culture of unity and respect for all Cougar students And it's great. They created the creed and every member needs to sign it and, and pledge to really make that difference. So it is truly one of the most rewarding, um groups. I've been a part of other than my teams in the past. And they've become this little family and, um it's a great experience.

Luke: 8:56

And I love that creed and I think it's very powerful. More powerful that the kids thought of it themselves, but it's words on a paper and I want to about the action of it. What are you seeing in terms of action of inspiring and influencing others to have integrity?

Cathy Ann: 9:16

Um, well, at first they were like, well, what, what are we supposed to do now that we're here with this club? And a lot of it was that natural instinct took over, um, um, Hey, I want to help others, especially others that are part of, of my group. So one of the things that they have done is they've taken that extra risk and they speak to the parents on parent night as a students that are encouraging that communication between families. And athletes and say, look, this is what we want for our school. Um, the other level of things that they've done is they've done things for the whole community in which they've said we here at Conant high school. We're we're right here and we have 30 sports at this school and you see us actively doing our craft, but what can we do for you? Um, and during the pandemic, when a lot of things were limited and so on and so forth, the kids decided to take to the community and they worked on cleaning. Other, uh neighbors areas, you know, like, Hey, we want to be in the fresh air. This is what we're going to do. We're going to stay six feet away, but we're going to help this neighbor clean up his or her yard because they can't do it right now because they're not coming outside our elderly neighbors. Um, they've also done where we wanted to do a sport event donation where everybody's got a couple extra baseballs softballs basketball's laying around in the garage and let's gather them all up and let's take them to the facilities that we have in our areas and our neighborhoods sometimes that maybe need some extra supplies. Due to the pandemic. We weren't able to do that but it's it, hasn't gone away. They're pushing for it this year and they really just want to extend that love for a sport and that gathering together to make a difference and show the community that there's some great elements to this. The biggest thing that they're doing with their leadership skills is that they are truly taking the pledge of look, there are things to do in, in the neighborhood and in the community that doesn't involve the, the poor choices that sometimes teenagers make. And, um, that's hard. That's hard for a teenager to say, we're going to choose this instead of that. And once that bandwagon starts, it's a cool thing to see where, we would have 40 kids decide to stay after a basketball game and hang out in the cafeteria and do like a little dance party instead of going to that game party that we, you know, know that many teenagers sometimes do engage in. Right. Let's be real. So seeing that, seeing them step up and say, I want what's best for my peers. And I want to make a difference is really a cool thing to see. And it's just, it's just growing every day.

Luke: 12:23

Those are some great stories and I'm sure even on an ordinary everyday level, you're probably seeing the impact of the clubs. So do you have other faculty members that have made positive comments to you of, you know, the sphere of influence of the club and how it's impacting positive behaviors throughout just their classes.

Cathy Ann: 12:44

Um, yes, actually, well, my partner that does it with me is John Kane, our athletic director, and, um one of the things that we did last year and we did it through zoom because we were still in that in-between phase. But, um, There was a lot of discussions, especially during our sexual assault awareness month. And that is a topic that is come up more and more that young ladies and young boys have said. There can be a problem sometimes, and we want our community, we want our school board to be aware of it. And what can you do to help support us so that these incidents don't happen? You know, these, these crude comments, these sexual assaults, you know, we know that they're those old day stories of things happening in the locker room per se. So last year we did a talk and a presentation and there were four Young ladies actually that spoke and went into breakout rooms about what title IX is and how it really is, is something that more people need to understand that it's not just, you know equality in sports, but it has a whole nother component and that we have supports here in place for people and what's okay. And what's not okay. And how to stand up and talk about things, um, in a comfortable space that way. Pretty empowering. And we had 312 staff members that signed in that day and listen to our, our kids talk about this as athletes. And that I think was one of the more profound days that they said, you know, There's a lot going on with the kids in this club. And I think it was, um, it was truly empowering for them, but it was a great way for our staff to see that, you know, it's not just, Hey, we're here to wave some signs and, you know, cheer y'all on we're we're here for other reasons. So.

Luke: 14:38

And what about impact on the overall athletic department? I have always been of the belief that. If you make it about creating better, people focus less on winning. Ironically, you end up winning more anyway.

Cathy Ann: 14:50

Um, I, I agree, Luke. Absolutely. I, I found that happened with me during my coaching career. And it was an eye-opener to me that when the kids were together and believed that they were important, um, yeah, we did win and we won a lot and I've seen it with our football program, um just buying into that, like system of, you know, what we, we gotta break it down to who are we and who do we want to be as a whole? And that has kind of started to, you know, it, it's not going to happen in a day um, but we're starting to see more of a unified look. And like I said, that the club itself is only about four years old at this point within a pandemic year. We're really hoping that all programs can be on the same page as far as what our beliefs are, you know, our goal is to have every athlete. Be able to sign that pledge. Um, and it was a good buy-in for the staff because our fourth year teachers have to do professional learning project. And one of the things that they came up with, many of them were head coaches during that time was unite, all athletes, um, let's get all the athletes together at the end of the fall and do like a. Uh, sport Olympics, so to speak where, you know, football, tennis, volleyball players are all mixed in on a team doing a tug of war with, you know, um, the other kids, you know, cheer and palms and, and mix everybody together. Because right now you're not just a football player and you're not just a tennis player, your a Conant Cougar, athlete. And what do you stand for? And that's the. main goal. And like I said, we're shooting for it and I've started to see small little inklings towards that, but it's going to take a village. And this village here Conant is pretty strong. So I'm hoping that we can talk again in the next couple of years and I can tell you that we, we hit our success.

Luke: 16:57

Well, I hope so. And you know all we could do is just keep fighting on for the things that we believe, which I know, uh you're going to keep doing that. And, you know you're faced with a tough decision that a lot of other coaches were, and that was family versus coaching. And you have this passion for coach. But you obviously have the love of your family. And I know that that was a tough decision on you and it was faced with a very similar decision, but it sounds like this club and you referenced this as helping to fill that need, you have to impact lives of young people. Is that right?

Cathy Ann: 17:30

Yes. It definitely has given me that missing piece, so to speak. I actually. Earned the head coaching job for the varsity position when I was seven months pregnant with my oldest son and they grew up in my dugout and, uh my second son, he came along and I was three years in and I finally decided to step down when my oldest was, uh, 18. Uh, because he played baseball. And in order for me to, to see some of his passion and desire, cause he was going on to play at college, I really felt I needed to be there in his senior year and see his love of the sport and be there for my younger son. You know, playing soccer and doing his thing and just high school itself, teenagers, I spend all day with them and I was spending extra time with my team, but yet my own two teenagers were missing out a little bit on mom and I, I was torn, but they were the first two that were sad when I told them that I was going to step down because they said, well, mom, that's who you are. And I said, wow. Yes, but I also want to give, because I'm also a mom and they said, well, that's true. And the greatest thing is they bought right into this club and they actually helped me deliver, we did a coat drive last year for a homeless shelter and they were right there packing things up with me, meeting the kids in the club. And, um it was a great way for them to see. Yeah, this is who mom is. Mom needs to work with young people and especially in the athletic field. So it has filled a gap and it's helped me be able to bridge that as well. So for me, it was a great opportunity.

Luke: 19:14

Your story about your kids, it really strikes a chord with me because I went through the exact same thing here. I am stepping aside, hitting pause, retiring, whatever term you want to.

Cathy Ann: 19:23

Uh huh.

Luke: 19:24

And as of today, my kids don't stop bugging me to get back into coaching. So I don't know if I should take it as an insult that they don't want me around or a compliment that they think I'm good at it. So I went through a very similar experience and, uh, it's great that you found a way to. Fulfill that passion and fill that void. And that's what I'm doing with this podcast. I'm trying to fill a void in my life that that's missing, because I do believe through telling stories such as yours, we can move the needle for some teachers and coaches and hopefully motivate others to recognize how important developing the whole person really is, which leads me to my next question. I've noticed that many teachers in particular, those who are not coaching. Missed the boat on the importance of life skills and focus so much on curriculum.

Cathy Ann: 20:20

Yes. Yes.

Luke: 20:22

what role do you think schools play in teaching life skills? In addition to curiculum?

Cathy Ann: 20:31

Well, I've been in this for 26 years and definitely those life skill discussions have increased dramatically since I first started. Um, and I think a lot of it is, is generational as well. Um, I've seen what a lot of the, the new teachers are coming out with and they just want to be so good at their craft and they want to do right by their students. Fill their brains with knowledge because they're passionate about it. Um, but I think that an important key for a lot of young teachers and young coaches is that you gotta take a step back and look at these kids. They don't know who they are. They're not going to know who they are, some of them until they're, you know, maybe in their thirties and they're trying to figure it out. So it's about how do we get them to feel comfortable with who they are right now when they're sitting in your classroom, uh, you know, when they're on your field, on your court, instead of telling them who they should be. They don't always have a clue and they're looking for us to give them some answers, but you don't want to give them too many answers. You know, it's like giving them the answers to the test. Well, that's great. They're going to do well on that, but we want them to figure it out. But in the same respect, we don't want to just throw him off the deep end and be like, well, I gave you all the info. Why didn't you figure it out? Well, cause they're teenagers and they need that balance. So I do think that the life skills of, uh, how to ask for help, kids don't know how to do that. Uh, you know, but how you approach having that conversation with that kid is important. You know, don't talk down to them and I really do think that young, new teachers and coaches, they have a passion for being with kids, but they also have to realize what they're doing for them as opposed to what they think they're doing and it's actually more for themselves, if that makes.

Luke: 22:40

Complete sense and let's speak within the realm are both familiar with English. I have such high respect for everyone that I've worked with, but one of the frustrating conversations we always had within the departments I worked was the kids, lack of enjoyment of reading. And, you know, it's, it's a frustrating piece. And the second one was. Their, their inability to comprehend basic grammatical skills. And I just, I wasn't trying to be coy just, well, why don't we let them pick what they want to read? I mean, it's, and it's a sore subject with English teachers because you hit it on the head. We tend to teach what we like and because we like it, we think they should like it. And to the grammatical skills again. Just kind of raised my hand and say, well, what are we doing to teach them these skills? Well, they should already know that. Well, they clearly don't. So what they should know and what they don't know. Uh, but yeah, it's, it's a, it's tough conversations and I agree with you. We all are fighting the same fight. We all share the same passion. It's why people have entered the profession. They want to make lives better. The question is how do you do that? And I think it's the approach you're discussing of focus on the whole person, not just that one 45 minute class period of math, English, science, or whatever it is that you teach. And, um, especially those that coach really understand that point of view.

Cathy Ann: 24:19

Well, Luke, I'm going to give you credit because you know, when you said getting kids to read and, well, one of the things that I have introduced over the last few years, because of the technological ages. I have kids that will listen to podcasts or look for video clips and things like that. And it's like, let's get them where they are my own 20 year old son. I mean, I, I've got two boys who have an English teacher as a parent. And the last thing those two boys want to do is sit down and read a book or write. So they have found their interest of learning about new things. My son worked at Sam's club all summer and he would listen to different podcasts about, you know, leadership and things like that. And I think what you're doing here is so incredibly important because you're going to find people that need to hear it. Um, they may not sit down and read things or an article, but if they hear it, they start to feel in touch with people. So I I'm excited. And I think what you're doing is right.

Luke: 25:22

Well, well, thank you very much. I appreciate that feedback. And it is the ultimate goal here. As I mentioned earlier. If we could move the needle, if we could impact just a few people, it's worth all the time that we're all putting into this. And I'd like to now transition to a quote that you sent me that I really like, and it was "Success isn't about your achievements. It's about the people you influence and inspire." powerful quote one that I'm going to add to my wall of quotations. My question to you is, do you think we have lost this concept? Do you think that we have become a society that is just too fixated on results?

Cathy Ann: 26:04

Well, again, it can't be all or nothing as far as, as my answer goes and I'm not trying to be evasive, but I do think that yes, unfortunately there's so much put on. The results, um, and, and what they do. And I just had this conversation with my, um, advanced placement students the other day, you know, I always start off the year and we talk about what their expectations are, what they're hoping to get out of the class. And of course, you know, over half of them say, you know, a passing score on the AP exam and I'm like, well, gosh, why don't we skip right over to may you know, why, where are we going through all this? So I said, you know, again, many of you don't know. Who you are, but we spend a lot of time during junior year as adults asking them what they want to study, where they think they want to go to college. These decisions are going to impact them for the next 49 plus years until they retire. And I, and I tell him, you have to look at who you are right now. And every day you're going to make decisions in your life that are going to have an impact on something later in your life. But you don't know what those are. So you gotta be true to yourself. And what is it that I'm doing that I feel good about myself just every day. Just take a look at it, instead of thinking about, well, if I do this, it'll get me here. Just take it in, trust the process and be good human being and good things are going to happen. I truly do believe that. And I'm hoping that kids can start to see that because I worry about the pressures that they get and worrying about those results. And sometimes that overtakes them. And then we start talking about, you know, emotional, uh, instabilities and worries, and anxieties and fears that kids two generations ago didn't have quite as much. And that's where I think it's important to. Back off of the result, driven, uh, push for success and, you know, define success differently. Who are you and how can you be a good person and interact in the world?

Luke: 28:19

Well said, and I completely agree with you and the pressures that are. Coaches kids and even parents, which I'm not learning as the parent of teenagers in sports, it's unbelievable how much we have lost perspective of the life skills that we're going to take away from the sport. And I feel like it's not discussed as much. And again, it is my sincere hope that through this podcast and through stories, Such as yours listeners are going to hopefully recenter themselves and refocus what we're doing as leaders and set better examples and say, this is really about the journey. And it's about the journey of changing lives rather than the score. Now I may be living in Lala land. I understand that, but that's my Jerry Maguire moment that I had a few weeks ago and I'm, I'm sticking with it. So I believe it, I think it's important. I hope all of my kids' coaches teach that and I hope more people get on board with the concept.

Cathy Ann: 29:23

Well, and just you know, one more little connection there is. Um, and maybe it, I realized that this summer, but I attended one of my former softball players, weddings, um, out in Nebraska and she just said, you know, Hey coach, I'm so glad you could make it. And, you know, Of course I wouldn't have missed it. And I had another one of my former players who I still keep in touch with call me and tell me, you know she's pregnant and how excited she was. And she had to share it with me because you know, I'm like family. Those are the moments more so than, you know, the conference championships that we won and, you know, don't get me wrong. Beaten some of those teams in our conference was pretty nice, but the moments and the connections with former athletes, I do, I keep in touch with almost all of them. And it's, it's great. You know, actually though Former softball player that played at Um, Alison Belk is actually now my predecessor she's taken over the program for me. And it's a great feeling to watch her do what she loves in the capacity that, you know, I was once doing for her. So it's about those connections and that. That's so key because you only can make those when you have the good base in the sporting world and within the classroom. And young people are looking for that. And if you can make some great connections that are long lasting, that's what it's all about.

Luke: 30:55

There's no question that coaches who keep in contact with his or her athletes The conversations are never about win losses ever. So what does that tell you as a coach is really important to your athletes? So anyone that would argue my point and say, well, winning is of the utmost importance. I would challenge that coach to go talk to one of their athletes who is now an adult, and just listen to what he, or she has to say, because I guarantee they're not going to discuss. The win-loss record. They may not even remember what the record was. They're going to remember the team dinners, something silly that happened at practice one day, you know, like the, the things that you as a coach probably don't even remember yourself. And there's the evidence to me of what it's really all about. And the fact that they keep in touch with coaches like you speak to the job that you have done with all of the kids that you have coach. So kudos to you for that. And, um moving on to wrap up this interview, I could speak to you a lot longer, but I know we, we have to get on with, get on with life. Um if someone is listening and is interested in creating a similar chapter, like you have of Cougar climb, what advice can you give them?

Cathy Ann: 32:12

Um, yeah. Well, I would say that of course I would be more than happy to talk with them. Um, and you know, they could contact you and you could share my email information, um, if you'd like, but if they're part of a school, um, in the area, Uh, where we're at, um, you know, Northwest suburbs. Um, they can go on the website for Illinois human performance project. Um, I L H P p.org. And. Click there and contact them and say, you know, I'm kind of interested in starting a chapter and they will come out and talk with you and help you get set up within your school. And, um, like I said, it's a great resource and those of you that may not, you know, from far reaches another state or so on and so forth, um, There, I, I will gladly share resources of how to do it in house. How can you make those work? Because there's some great, great opportunities to make a difference for kids and have them make a difference for you by being part of that. So,

Luke: 33:17

Okay, well, thank you for offering that up. And I think the point that you made, I just want to reiterate is you don't have to be from Illinois to be able to create a club of the magnitude of what you are doing. There are things that you're willing to share with our listeners who may be out of state that they could implement into their schools. Correct.

Cathy Ann: 33:36

Absolutely. Absolutely.

Luke: 33:39

Well, thank you for offering that and my final. Comment slash question to you is based on this quote from you. "I found that I not only taught my players about life outside the chalk lines of a softball field, but they taught me how to be myself inside the chalk lines." you explain what you meant by that quote and what you have learned from your players?

Cathy Ann: 34:02

Whew. Um, yes, actually, it's they have found a way into my heart. Okay. All of them, but. We're we're all human. Okay. So we talk about the kids, you know, wanting to please their coaches. Well, let's be real, you know, it's wrong, I guess to say that, you know, we want our students to like us, or we want our athletes to like us, right? That, that sounds like the wrong thing to say, but ultimately you want them to enjoy and learn something from what you're providing them, your, your knowledge, your skills. And there were times where I. Maybe not be myself because you know, we're coming up to a tough competitor and I knew they had it in him, but how can I make this happen? And you know, I'll never forget one of my former, uh, third basements. She went on to play at, um, Indiana university. Uh, her name was Rachel O'Malley and she said, W w w what are you doing? She's like, Smitty, you just got to relax, find Smitty for me, cause this is not how we normally do practice. And I looked at her and my first instinct was how dare you? And then I just lifted her and she goes, come on, you know, you want to laugh? And I did. I just stopped. I stopped hitting fungos I, and I laughed. And I said, You're right. I said, she's like, we got this. She's like, we got to kick it up in high gear right now in practice, but we got this and those are the, that's an example. I can give you where they needed me, the original me, not the me. I thought I needed to be and how to coach for that big game and. That was the best piece of advice they could give. And I never, ever, ever changed who I was then after that moment. And it's helped me just reconnect every single time with how important that is for kids.

Luke: 35:59

Well, thank you for sharing that very personal story and thanks for the extended time you had with us. And it's very clear after talking to you why you are a hall of fame coach, and I guarantee you having the same impact inside the classroom. So thank you for sharing your insights and, uh, look forward to this new connection that we've made and staying in touch with you throughout the day.

Cathy Ann: 36:20

Yes. Thank you so much, Luke. I appreciate it. And best of luck, hope there's a lot of listeners out there because you've got great things on here. So

Luke: 36:29

Thank you so much. Success. Isn't about your achievements. It's about the people you influence and inspire. Cathyann Smith has been influencing and inspiring so many students and athletes, both in the classroom and on the field for years. Her philosophy is predicated on a belief that teachers and coaches need to understand what's going on with kids recognize they're still figuring out their own path and allow them to be comfortable with who they are right now, instead of telling them who they should be. If you're interested in starting a chapter of the Illinois human performance project, the website is linked in the show notes. If you'd like to discuss with Kathy, how to start internally, send me an email. Thanks for listening. Please subscribe and share. And remember the more "I"'s we impact in this world, the more everyone wins. That's the "I" in Win!